I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
