woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
