Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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