apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
