This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
