I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
