i need an iv and a liver transplant
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
why is half of my head shaved?
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