I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
