I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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