allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
