did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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