It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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