at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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