He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Randomize
