i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I've blown a few things in my day
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
