Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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