My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
