the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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