she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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