Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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