i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
