Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
