It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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