the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
how does that bad decision feel?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
