She's JV to your varsity
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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