Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
