Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
