No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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