can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Is it penis luge time yet?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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