my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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