I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
