everyone is single if you try hard enough
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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