There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
