U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Everclear isn't food dammit
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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