Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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