she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
