She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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