8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
