how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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