They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
