she looked like the before picture.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
