oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
