Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
