i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
