Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
