whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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