Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
