Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
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I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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