Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
