I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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