I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize