Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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