I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
