i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
