Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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