Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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