just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
