mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize