Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
