in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
