yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
