can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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