Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
