Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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