where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
