with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
