I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
