If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
