He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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