Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
