I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
