i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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