i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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