the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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