Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
