she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
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Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
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So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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