Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
