i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
