Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
